REALLY Really Long Entry....
01:27 Jan 09 2011
Times Read: 921
I have debated about writing this down and then I debated about putting it here for people to see. But it has festered to the point that it is about all I can think about.
I have been in an on and off relationship for almost seven years now, mostly because we lived more than three hours apart. But in August he decided that he wanted to be with me and moved here.
It has been odd sharing space when I have never had to do so in the last 25 years. But to his credit, he has made it fairly easy. He pitches in to aid with chores, bills, and encourages me to go out with family and friends. I have tried to include him where I can since he doesn’t have any friends here. Some of my friends have been receptive, others not so much. But it is hard for him as well since most of my friends are female and when I did include him, he was the only male.
I recently got engaged as you have probably read. I was so excited. Then – we told my parents. Well….for the first two weeks….no response. They totally ignored the fact that I was engaged. I finally took the matter in to my hands and confronted them. I think I preferred the silence.
I am an only child of very overprotective parents. I have had to fight to gain any independence that I have. My Mom has been religious all my life. My Dad has become religious in the last 10 years or so. I am from a small country place in the hills of Kentucky. Add to all this, the fact that people do love to gossip, whether they have the truth or not is often irrelevant.
Well it seems that someone had told my Mom that my fiancé was a bad tempered alcoholic who used me for what he could get while getting me to pay his bills.
Imagine my surprise. In the seven years I have known him; I have never seen him drunk nor have more than two drinks. Nor has he ever lost his temper with me or even been very angry. He pays his bills and has even pitched in on the living expenses here.
The other issue for my parents seems to be that he has been married before. I told my Mom that when we first started dating. She didn’t say much of anything then. She didn’t like it but she didn’t say not to date or whatever. My Dad didn’t say much ever.
Now that I am engaged….they have a lot to say about it. Apparently, I will be living in adultery and will be going to hell in the hereafter. My Dad even got the Bible down to attempt to read me verses from it supporting him; then told me not to take it personally if he did not attend the wedding.
Well. I knew they would have issues if they ever found out he was living with me. I never thought they would have this reaction since they knew he had been married before. I am not even sure how to precede with them….well, with Dad specifically. By the end of the conversation my Mom had relaxed some. She told me she had said her piece and that she loved me no matter what. She also said she would treat my fiancé as she always had. He was welcome to come there. Dad well….he said he didn’t trust him and never had. Then from out of nowhere he said he had known him before I did. Mom and I both called him on that one but he never explained. I don’t see how as my fiancé lived in Chattanooga until this year. As far as I know, my Dad has not spent much time there.
So, bottom line….what is supposed to be one of the happier times of my life, is now filled with stress and turmoil. Between my parents and a few of my friends who are having difficulty adjusting to the fact that I am no longer single, stress is mounting.
I try to understand where they are coming from, their viewpoint, but it sure does detract from my “happy engagement time”. Rather than explode on people I love, I have chosen to voice it this way. Hopefully I can let it go and leave it to the powers above to smooth the way.
You see, I did that with my fiancée. We were apart for more than a year. But in that time, I prayed that he would find love and be able to show it, even if it was not with me. I loved him enough to not want him to be alone. Now he is here and not alone. So I have no other choice but to believe that God brought him back into my world with a new dedication in attitude. Therefore, I cannot agree with my parent’s interpretation of adultery. I may be wrong, but I really believe that God is more forgiving than that.
I am moving forward with our wedding plans. I will have to rethink a few things as I now realize I will probably get no help from my parents, nor will I be walking down the aisle with my Dad.
Instead, I will walk down the aisle alone with my Civil War reenactor friends at attention and holding their swords. We will celebrate our wedding with country cooking, dancing, and a toast to the future. Friends and extended family that support me will be there. A good time will be had….or I may turn the cannons on someone myself.
COMMENTS
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ImageMaker
01:38 Jan 09 2011
*hugs* Wishing you peace and happiness as you moved forward with your plans.
NocturnalMistress
01:47 Jan 09 2011
I hope, no matter how the outcome with your family turns out, that your engagement turns into a loving and long time marriage filled with joy, happiness, and bliss.
I think that if you prayed and asked for him to find love and not be alone and him coming back to you is another one of God's mysterious ways of working things out and creating miracles.
I do hope that in time your Dad will come to terms with your decision and except your future husband into his life as you have.
You have my blessings and positive energies that you have a wonderful wedding and marriage.
*hugs*
LadyChordewa
01:30 Jan 10 2011
*HUGS* There is nothing to be said, to ease your mind. Only your father can do that. Its a tough road, but you are strong and you will be fine.